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Rembrandt |
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8/23/2006 4:12 PM |
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Mindless rantings of a dizzy geek. |
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Pipes vs Cigars vs Cigarettes |
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By Rembrandt on
8/31/2006 8:57 AM
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I honestly don't consider myself a 'smoker'. I have a small humidor
with cigars in it, a handful of pipes, and a bunch of pipe tobacco, but
I still don't think I am a smoker.
I have a lighter specifically for lighting pipes, and one for lighting cigars, but I don't consider myself a smoker.
I will go weeks, MONTHS even, without smoking tobacco, and honestly really only consume it for the taste, and ritual involved - not the niccotine.
I think, personally, to be a smoker - you have got to be hooked on the
cigarettes. Cat-piss-smelling, formaldyhyde-containing, 60-seconds of
crap ACTUALLY in your lungs, cigarettes.
So, by that defination, I don't consider myself a smoker. That being said, I went out to eat the other evening, and the restraunt (Silver Springs Mining Company) had a sign at the bar. [Where they allow smoking.]
'Cigar and Pipe Smoking not Allowed.'
You have GOT to be kidding me. Cigars may not smell like roses, but they smell a damn sight better than cigarettes, and PIPES, man .. I have tobacco that smells like resberries .. or Vanillia .. or Christmas cookies .. how can *THAT* be offensive when compared to cat-piss cigarette smoke ?
I just find it odd, that its 'OK' to smoke cigarettes at a public bar, but a Pipe .. something once associated with a gentleman .. thats like a public no-no.
This country is wierd. I'm trying to imagine someone getting thrown out of the 'The Half Moon'
or 'Ye Olde Trip to Jerusalem' for smoking a PIPE.
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Photo gallery hell |
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By Rembrandt on
8/25/2006 9:36 PM
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There are about 100 photogallerys for Dot Net Nuke. Only two or three of them are worth looking at, and of those one uses flash, one stores the images in a DB [so you cant use them in other places on the site] and the last one is friggen slow as crap, doesnt support RSS feeds, but seems to be the easiest to reconfigure, and is also the most expensive.
I chose number two, for $25.00, and hope I made the right decision.
One major downfall is that in its autosort routines, the author used width as the deciding factor to determine image size .. so my 4X6 photos which are 720X1080 - all have to be horozontal, even if i took them verticle. otherwise they are not the appropriate size for printing a 4X6 .. great huh ? Time to recommend an update :P
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Sleepless nights and Broken Computers a cranky geek make ... |
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By Rembrandt on
8/24/2006 8:57 AM
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So, last night our son decided that he didn't want to go to sleep at 8:00, which is his normal sleeping time, but stayed up until 9:45. Whomever suggested that if toddlers stay up late, they sleep later - was on friggen crack. So they boy gets up at least 4 times, wanting milk, wanting to see the cat, wanting to go to sleep (figure that one out) and lastly wanting mom. [that one was at 3:30]
On top of that, I've been trying to make a tape backup for DAYS, and its been a frustrating experience. It runs slow, it skips files, fix that and move it to a new computer so I can be more 'productive' and that computer freezes up once an hour.
Its enough to make a grown geek cry.
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Xbox Live Gold hands over the cards for free. |
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By Rembrandt on
8/23/2006 8:36 PM
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Apparantly tonight, and for the next few days, Texas Holdem is free for subscribers to XBox live. Being free, and that I like holdem poker, I downloaded it.
The Good:
Easy to understand interface,
Big cards,
Tournament play and game matching
The Bad
People play REALLY dumb,
People drop out between hands because,
Hands are *REALLY* friggen slow
The Ugly
Locking the XBox up while entering a tournament,
Why is their an achievement for going all in ??!
All in all, for free, its pretty cool. People playing like major fish means that getting into the millionaire's club won't be as bad as holding my own on pokerstars. But man, did they REALLY have to make it so EVERYONE has to click a button for the next hand to be dealt ?
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Cruise Ship Poker |
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By Rembrandt on
6/9/2006 8:25 AM
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My wife went to bed. My inlaws were watching the boy in their cabin. And the 24 hour softserve machine was out of ice-cream-juice. Whatever is there for a guy to do in the middle of an ocean at 11:00 pm ?
I signed up on the ship's *only* Holdem table and it took only about 5 mins until there were enough folks to start a game. I cashed in with $50.00 .. figuring it would keep me busy for an hour or so .. but that I would lose it all .. as some of the folks here already knew each other well .. from playing the past 5 nights.
I'm really just a big fish with a small brian, but I do enjoy poker so.
Our dealer was a hot little girl from an Bolgoslavia [Melina], who sounded JUST like Natasha from The Rocky & Bullwinkle Show. (Making me a big fan immediatly.) The table was pretty loose for a cash limit game [low stakes] and almost every hand 8 or 9 people out of the table called the $3 to enter the pot. The Rake was pretty bad .. 10% .. but they only took it on pots less than $50.
I played about 8-10 hands I think .. won two with bluffs, won a very big hand with an inside straight I hit on the flop, and made a killing with quad queens against 3 folks who thought they had better hands. At about 3:00 AM .. Mr. 'Raise every hand no matter what I have' joined the table. I waited out two hands, stickign around until the Big Blind just because I paid the blinds this round alread, and it was free for me to see my hole cards. I fully intended to get out - as I was up.
Lets step a few hands back to see the setup of this play :
I'm Small Blind. Lets Look at the Table:
I am sitting to the left of the Cute Dealer.
Next to me is Lee, who is a semi agressive player, and who just joined the table a few hands ago.
He replaced, young housewife girl, who plays mainly internet poker, and was .. well .. a fish.
He has gone in on every hand since, and called a few raises here and there not seeing the river once.
Next to him is Frumpy Mexican Looking Guy - a Kid about 20 or 21, who joined the table with $50 alread in chips, and a silver $1 slot machine token, he uses to hold down his cards.
He replaced Drunk Kentucky Guy - who was really fun - after a bunch of bad hands [and increasing bud lights'] caused him to run out of chips.
On his left is Cute-Southern-Girl - A nursing student from somewhere in the south, she is playing with Dad's money - about $70 of it, and just won a nice chunk with a 5-10 full house that Lee bet into heavy.
Next to her is Grumpy Middle Age Joe, who's name i actually think IS Joe. He has been here from the start with me. I Took some chips from him with my quad queens, making him tell me 'you don't know how lucky you are.' I also took a big chunk of his stack, with my flopped straight, as I was letting him lead out the bets. He calls most every hand, and will fold on the flop. He also put an extra $50 on the table to buy more chips to put Drunken Jamacan Guy [See blow] out. So is sitting flush right now.
Mr. No more suit, is on Joe's left. He held up the table for 10 mins to go change out of a suit. He reserved his spot on the table with $100.00 in chips. He and Joe are friends, not sure if they are vacationing together with their families, or if they met at the table earlier in the week. He is an tight player, who goes in hands, but only stays in if he has something.
Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater is sitting to So Suit's left. His Name is Winston, and he came rolling up to the table with a scotch in one hand, and a girl on the other, about an hour ago. The girl was very pretty, and I was a little confused as to if she was his daughter, or his date. Winston is about 65, pretty round, all grey hair, blue blazer, and ALL about the scotch. He has had quite a bit of it. Winston Replaced, Pokerstars Mary - who won a big hand by sucking out on the river, then lost 50% of it trying the same thing the next hand. She left the table immediatly after losing her nerv and folding to Mr. No-Suit's pair of twos. Winston is hysterical, he makes jokes constantly, seems to be having a great time, and .. is one of the most AMAZING drunk poker players I have ever seen. This guy played almost every hand, and took the majority of them. The cards were hot for him.
Cute Soutern Girl's Dad was next to Winston, a middling player, who was trapped between Winston, and Drunk Jamacan Guy. I honestly didn't see much of his plays, as it was hard to see him around the dealer, and I don't remember anything memorable from him. Winston took a bunch of chips from him, but Winston took a bunch of chips from everyone.
Mr. 'Raise-Everytime' has just joined the table, replacing Mr. 'Drunk-Jamacian-Guy-Who-Keeps-Wandering-Away-From-The-Table-To-Play-Slots'. He is sitting on the other side of the dealer from me.
Lee is the big blind in for $3, I'm Small for $1, and was dealt Kc-3c. It goes all the way around the table, everyone calling [fairly normal for this table], no raises. Gets to me, and I decide that it will only cost me $2 to see a $25 pot of limpers and call.
The Flop is Ks - 7d - 3d. [woot] which leaves me sitting prety good for my $2 risk.]
Frumpy Mexican raises $3,
Cute Southern Girl calls,
Joe calls,
No Suit Folds,
Winston calls,
Southern Girl's Dad calls,
and In steps Mr. Raise everything .. who raises to $6.
I sweat it for a second, wondering if he has k-7 or bullets, but i'm not going to give up two pair on the flop to a first hand player. I call.
Lee doesn't even think, and calls.
Frumpy calls,
Cute Southern girl thinks for a few seconds, and folds.
Joe calls, but his hands were near his cards, not his chips.
winston tries to check, and the dealer reminds him its $3 to call, so he does.
Southern Girl's dad folds.
Pot Stands at $63. Ks - 7d - 3d and the turn is a 9h
It time to see who is gonna stick around, I figured there was a decent chance that someone or two someone's were trying to hit a flush. I raised $3.
Lee called,
Frumpy called,
Joe calls,
Winston Calls,
and Mr raise raises to $6. *crap*
I call,
Lee calls,
Frumpy tries to trade his $1 token in for one more chip, the dealer refuses, and he goes all in with his last $2,
Winston calls.
Pot stands at $74 Ks - 7d - 3d - 9h and the river is a 2c.
I have an ok hand, but now mr raise has me worried, and i'm still in a horrible position, since hardly anyone has dropped out. I check.
Lee thinks for a min, then raises $3.
Frumpy is all in,
Joe folds, Winston folds,
Mr. Raise calls
I have no choice, I call.
Mr Raise shows 5d-7c (or maybe spade)
Lee Shows Kd-2s .. two pair [explains the raise]
I take the pot with my k-3 and wonder what the hell Mr. Raise was thinking.
So Lee showed he was willing to go in heavy with a high pair, agressive considering the betting going on, and the number of people in the pot .. but not unreasonable since he had been playing with some of these folks all week.
Frumpy did himself in, we never got to see his cards.
Mr Raise, well .. he just proved how he earned his name.
A few more hands passed, and he raised each one 2-3 times. Twice buying folks out of the pot.
after taking such a big pot, I had decided to just wait out the blinds, incase lightning struck, then leave the table ahead.
with one hand left until i was back in the blinds - horrible position - I get As-Js.
I call for $3.
Lee raises to $3.
We were waiting on a player to replace Frumpy,
Cute Southern Girl calls,
Joe calls,
Mr. Suit folds,
Winston calls,
Southern Dad calls,
Mr. Raise raises. $6
I had been playing conservative all night, mostly showing down with good hands, and only once a crappy ace-low - with a low pot.
I decided that since this was my last hand, and I had about $150 in chips in my pocket, [I had been taking them off the table while I was ahead, so I would stay that way.] With around $50 left on the table infront of me - I wanted to see what the table would do.
I raised $6.
Lee called,
Southern Girl folded,
Joe folded,
winston *amazingly* folded,
Southern Dad folded,
The pot stood at $36 to Mr. Raise and he RAISED ! $9
I thought about it for a min, Most of the table was out - Mr. Raise was getting short stacked, it would cost me $3 to see the flop. Lee was reaching for his cards. So I called.
Lee folded. and the flop showed A-K-10.
Mr. Raise raises $12, I reraise to put him all in with his last $7 chips, I have best pair at this point, and unless he is calling with AA,KK,QQ or AK, k-10, a-10 - I have him beat.
he showed 9c-9h
The dealer dropped 4h-6c
I decided to quit while i was ahead :P all in all .. i was about $260ish in chips
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Why the internet is a really bad place late at night. |
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By Rembrandt on
1/25/2006 1:10 PM
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So after an arduous day at work yesterday, I felt like having a pipe full of tobacco, but honestly just didn't feel like firing up the pellet stove in the garage. [No smoking in the house for me.]
Just as a ha-ha .. I started reading reviews on tobacco reviews to pass the time.
This is akin to going grocery shopping before lunch [after skipping breakfast] ! I started looking at some McClelland blends that I've considered interesting for a while, with an eye towards picking up some to cellar - preferably for a number of years.
To my sleep addled brain, 5 seemed like a nice number of tins. Given my current rate of consumption - 100g of a tobacco lasts me 2-3 months; if that’s the only one I smoke. [My smoking habits are irregular; sometimes 3-4 bowls a week, sometimes one. There is really no pattern other than free time, or work to do in the garage. [Or a power outage.] Five tins would, I reasoned, allow me to have two tins for long term storage, we are talking multiple years, and 3 tins would certainly be a years supply of any given tobacco. I could replace them as needed singularly, rotating them out to allow at least 6-8 months of 'shelf time'.
Of course, coming to this decision was also helped by the fact that a website I have ordered from in the past offers a price break at a 5 count of tins.
This decision was based on an experience over the summer. Previously, I had sampled some VA Woods from a freshly opened tin, and was shocked at how something that smelled of ketchup could burn my tongue like Tabasco. At a local Ren-Fest (I know, I know .. don't laugh.) A friend of a friend had cracked open a 3 year [since he bought it] tin of Va Woods and was kind enough to let my have a bowl. I was amazed at the difference, and that’s coming from guy with a relatively unsophisticated palate.
Then I started thinking, which is always dangerous, what if I Picked up 5 Tins of VA Woods, AND 5 tins of British Woods? That would allow me to have easily 3 tins of each in long term storage, leaving me 3-4 tins to consume in the year, replacing them as I needed. Seemed like a good plan, more variety, better long term tobacco.
But wait .. if I also picked up 5 tins of Blackwoods flake, which I heard was also very nice, man .. that would allow me to keep 1 tin of each for like 3-4 years before touching it, with 2 tins on storage for a year or two, and 3 tins of each - easily allowing me to keep one for a year, and rotate the remaining two as normal smokes, allowing me to replace them as needed.
Well crap, I forgot St. James Woods .. I've been meaning to get some of that after the same friend of a friend who gave me the matured VA woods recommended it. Hmm lets see ... If I got 5 of those, gee that’s a lot of tobacco, well .. if I got 5 tins of that too .. hmmm. That would be 1 tin of each for easily 5 years. Maybe another of each for 3-4 years, with anther for two years in the cellar. That would leave me two tins of each blend to enjoy over the year, to be replaced as needed of course, and allowing all of them to be at least 6 months old before I open one.
Darkstar, that’s the only blend in this family I left out that really holds interest for me. Lets see:
1 Tin of each blend for 10 years
1 Tin of each for 5 years
1 Tin of each for 3 years
1 Tin of each for 2 years
leaving me with 1 tin each of five blends to enjoy over the year, certainly allowing enough rotation so each crosses the 6 month mark.
Having now entered the theoretical realm of fancy, I went to the above mentioned website, which I have ordered from before, to see what this dream would cost me.
After loading up my virtual shopping cart my eyes melted at a $323.00 price tag (minus shipping). Well, since we are playing crazy now, lets throw in 2 each of Frog Morton, Frog Morton on the Town, and Frog Morton on the bayou .. just for giggles. $401.45 was the sticker shock, certainly a lot of tobacco, but man that’s almost paying retail over the internet.
Now having my curiosity peaked, I started looking to see if there were other vendors that could beat these guys on price. Having to buy in lots of five to get a discount seemed a bit excessive when you take it to these extremes.
My first stop found a site that offered tins at a flat rate of $12.75. for singles .. gee, that would allow me to go to 3's of each, including the frogs, for roughly $310.00 - that’s cheaper than 5 of each, and still allows me a decent rotation.
Still, I wanted to be thorough. I stopped at another site that I order a particular Aromatic from, and hey .. they offered McClelland tins at $12.75 too, with free shipping, and the frogs were at a daily special of $11.75. Three of each here would be $297.00 with free shipping.
This is the point where my brain *STOPPED* thinking, which is an even worse situation to be in than when it starts. Tins of good tobacco started swimming in front of my eyes. I would have an awesome stockpile. I wouldn't have to buy tobacco for years! The rationalizations flew left and right faster than my synapses could shut down. What if I .. dare I dream .. *bought* this tobacco. The checkout button is right there. I mean its *RIGHT* there. Right. There. No No, I must not, that’s still a lot of money, it wouldn't break the bank or even dent it, but still.
Then, in a hideous voice that sounded a lot like Gollum from Lord of the Rings I heard :
"But what if we can finds it for cheaper .. precoussss ?"
Well, certainly, if we could find it cheaper.[Notice the usage of 'we' here, signifying the total disconnect from reality.] If we could find it cheaper, then we could certainly feel its a good deal. Confident that I was saving myself from being crushed in an avalanche of tinned bliss, I smugly went to froogle.com.
Never be smug about anything is the lesson to be gleamed here kids.
Froogle told me of the existence, the HORRIBLE existence, of a website that had McClelland tins at $11.50 a tin. I didn't believe it, and of course I had to tempt fate and go look. It was very bad, because not only did this site offer them at that price, but being January 24th .. they had this horrible marketing gimmick of throwing a 24 hour sale, where selected goods were marked down.
Selected goods which included McClelland tobacco.
Gollum danced gleefully through my head, capering like a fool and juggling fish. "10.75 a Tin my precious ! You saids, you saids if it was cheaper, we would gets it! You SAIDS!"
I began dancing with him, infected by his madness, and looking at the clock. It was 11:55 PM and the sale ended in five minutes! There wasn't much time. We danced and cavorted about throwing Fives of this and Fives of that into our cart. "FIVESsss yes FiveSssss!" Gollum chanted, exchanging his fish for a smoking briar which he then put into his slobbering mouth and puffed like a mad man.
"Gollum! Gollum! Our BUDGETsss!" I cursed at him. "The Frogs! The Mortons-es. We dont NEEDS them! Throw them back!" was his reply. As he started, instead, throwing MORE of them into the cart.
Outraged at his hypocrisy I started throwing them out almost as fast as he could place more in the basket. "We don't need those! Too expensive already." I puffed out my exerted lips. "No! CHEAPER! only $9.75 each! he cried!"
Giving up the fight I changed tactics and started pushing the cart towards the virtual register. One of us was shouting "BUYSsss IT! Buys THEM!" and laughing maniacally. I'm still not sure which one it was.
At the register Gollum pounced on a tin of Sam Gawith Westmoreland, gibbering something about cheap shipping if we only buy it. At this point, I was in no condition to refuse, as the cashier had already taken my credit card information, and clicked the 'confirm order' button.
All was quiet. Gollem was gone, crickets could be heard in the background. I was sitting in front of my computer, all flights of fancy driven from my mind. As if waking from a bad dream, I looked around and saw a new e-mail in my inbox.
What had I done ?! My answer was found in an un-read E-mail at the top of the pile :
Name Code Qty Each Options
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McClelland Blackwoods Flake 100g mcclelblacfl 5 X 10.75
McClelland St. James Woods 100g mcclelstjamw 5 X 10.75
McClelland British Woods 100g mcclelbritwo 5 X 10.75
McClelland Dark Star 100g mccleldarsta 5 X 10.75
McClelland Virginia Woods 100g mcclelvirwoo 5 X 10.75
McClelland Frog Morton 100g mcclelfrogmo 2 X 10.75
McClelland Frog Morton on the Town 100g mcclelfrogmo1 2 X 10.75
McClelland Frog Morton : Frog on the Bayou 100g 2 X 9.75
Sam Gawith Westmoreland (50g tin) 24slegawitwest 1 X 5.99
Subtotal 337.24
Shipping 2.99
Total 340.23
Blinking at the screen, I thought "oh crap." then shrugged and went to get ready for bed.
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Its wierd what triggers memories. |
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By Rembrandt on
1/18/2006 4:23 PM
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Today, I prepared navy bean and ham chunk soup for dinner. Not five minutes ago, I went upstairs to stir it around in the crock pot. Upon taking off the lid, I was hit with a face full of steam - and I remembered ...
It was a summery New England night, probably up in Vermont. We [being me and a bunch of friends] were at a 'Realms of Wonder' event. [a very old - like 1988 ish - LARP game.] It was a camp out, it had rained. Rathcluen ! That was the name of it. Ben, the guy who owned the property was drunk. A few guys and girls were playing Wiz-War (by Tom Jolly) under a Pavilion. Someone 'Lady Anne' I think, was cooking dinner. It was a nice evening, spent in good (if not rather geeky) company. Laura Greenly flirted outrageously with me, but I was still a kid and didn't pick up on it. My friend Nana lit himself on fire drinking his Sixth(?) flaming Kamakasi. Later that evening he delared his ceramic mug the most comfortable pillow a person could have. There was a fire, and general geek talk around it. And there was bread and ham stew .. which smelled exactly like ...
what I was stirring on my counter. I blinked once or twice, put the lid back on the pot, and went downstairs and back to work.
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Today, I met a guy .. |
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By Rembrandt on
12/23/2005 4:30 PM
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I pulled into the Sheetz (gas station) on route 40 today, after stopping off at Home Depot, and a local Hearth store to get 3/4 of a tonne of pellets.
While I was pumping my gas, the fellow at the next pump over looked up as his wife shouted across the parking lot at him saying she needed to use the restroom.
He looked over at me and we both chuckled, then he asked me 'How cold does it normally get here ?' to which I replied 'It usually doesn't go below 20.'
'Thats pretty cold' he responded.
'Not for me' said I, 'I grew up in New England.'
'Oh? driving south to visit family ?' he asked.
'No, I live here now - how about you ?'
'Oh, I'm driving down to florida to see my family before I ship out again.'
This is when I noticed he had an airborn ball cap on.
'I'm almost afraid to ask - where are you headed?'
He looked at me and smiled before saying 'Iraq - they flew me home for 3 weeks to visit my family for leave.'
I asked him 'Is this your second tour over there ?' to which he replied 'It's my third, if you count 1991.'
I asked him if he was nervous about heading back, and he surprized me by saying:
'No, I'm proud to go back. I've been in the army for 22 years, in 2 more years I'm going to retire, at full pension - with combat pay and benefits, its gonna help my family out a lot. I could spend my last 2 years at some desk job here, but they really need NCO's over there to help these kids get through this alive. Would you believe they go over there and act like its a vacation or something ? Video cameras, and dvd players and crap. I tell all my soldiers that they are gonna be filming the horizon [at this point he slowly turned in a semi-circle - like he was holding a video camera] and they are gonna be really shocked when they see a rifle barrel pointing at them, but hell - it will look good on tape. I teach my kids to hit the sand whenever they hear a crack, its better to look stupid and be alive, than to be cool and dead.'
This man, was *PROUD* of going back over to the desert. And he should be, we talked for several minutes, and he didn't once talk about shooting people, or terrorism, or any of that crap - he talked mostly about protecting his soldiers, and teaching them what he learned over his 22 year carieer. He talked about keeping them alive, so they could do their job, and go home to their families. He told me the sand sucks, and that putting all the steel plates on the HMV's actually slows them down too much, not worth the trade off of speed vs small arms fire, since a RPG would just punch through it anyways. He told me how he tells his soldiers to not bribe the local kids with candy, because it will just make their parents mad. He told me alot of things, about who he was, and how he felt about his job - without even meaning to. Which oddly enough - made me almost choke up. This simple man - who I met randomly at a gas station - was an amazingly nice guy, who was willing to go back into a shit storm - to keep kids he doesn't even know alive.
Something people should think about the next time they bitch about the military.
Instead of crying - I shook his hand, said thank-you - and went inside the gas station and paid for his gas before his wife could get out of the restrooms and do it.
I felt it was a small price for me to pay compared to what this guy was willing to do.
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Corporate non-conformity |
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By Rembrandt on
8/22/2005 10:28 AM
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So, the switch from Fortune-500 mentality Black & Decker, to my new job, has been different.
Different is good, by the by.
Granted, there is probably twice or even three times the pressure, more deadlines, and I certainly think that I spend much more time 'working', even when I'm off the clock so to speak. [Christa must know by now that when I go to 'check my e-mail' before going to bed that it will turn into a three to four hour programming session.] On the whole though, its been a great transition.
I have more responsibility, which is a double edged weapon of course. On one side, it keeps me interested in what I am doing - and lemmi tell you, some of the stuff I'm working on / responsible for is some really cool shit. On the other side, it means I've got a lot more work to do :P
My morning commute now consists of dodging the dogs and cats on my way back up the stairs from the coffee machine. No more I-95 and 695 traffic jams. Sometimes I have to drive to VA, but hey - two or three times a month vs every day, I'll take that trade. I can see my kid whenever I want, if my wife really needs a hand for five mins - its all cool. Over all my schedule is more flexible - as long as I get stuff done. Of course, the neurotic programmer in me says that I should be coding all the time then. What can you do ?
So more work + more responsibility - commute = less stress.
Who woulda thunk it ?
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The Walking Undead ?! |
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By Rembrandt on
8/16/2005 10:15 AM
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What is it with me and ZOMBIES anyways ? I know they can't possibly exist, regardless of what the internet says. Sharks exist, and eat people all that time - so that fear is justified, Zombies are fiction. But yet, I fear them. Did I see Romero's "Night of the Living Dead" too young ? On the tail of a horrific zombie nightmare this morning, I actually remembered that as a child I was plagued by a reoccouring nightmare involving The Mummy.
Not a mummy, THE MUMMY, Boris himself. You know that one scene in "The Mummy" when he comes to life. There is a zoom in on his face, his eyes filling most of the screen, and then they open! and he gets this HORRIBLE look on his face. This chilling movie moment seemed to have imprinted itself on my childhood brain, because as a child in preschool, I had this reoccouring dream where my school was on a picnic, and the mummy appeared.
That's when I would wake up. Not wake up screaming like in the movies, but with that my heart is beating through my chest, I'm so terrified that I can't make a SOUND and if I open my eyes I know I'll see what I was just dreaming about, kind of afraid.
He didn't *DO* anything mind you, rather tame as far as the undead go - he just woke up and looked mad. I can't even blame him really. "Nothing like having a 2000 year old nap disturbed by a bunch of six-year olds eating sandwich squares infront of your house - WHICH by the way is falling apart, where did those grounds-men indentured to me go anyways? And who in Osirus' name moved my tomb to Connecticut?! What am I, a Stepford Mummy??! ArrRRAARGHH!"
Actually, He didn't make any noise, that's what made it so creepy. Perhaps its not the walking undead I fear, its the QUIET walking undead. Zombies are relatively quiet too. Sure, they groan, but its not like its an animated conversation. Shuffling zombies, groaning quietly. *Shudder*
You know you have a problem if you spend more than 10 mins a day thinking about what you would, make that will, do when the undead storm your neighborhood. I mean, even if your a crack shot - you'll run out of ammo eventually. Not to mention the sounds of a rifle will just alert more to your presence, so better learn how to build a silencer.
SEE WHAT I MEAN ? Either I am really messed up about this, or I missed my calling as a horror film screenwriter.
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